I wasn’t trying to stir the pot. I was just trying to get some feedback on my blog! Long story short, I was a part of a women’s local/town Facebook page – it was just a general page for talking to the other ladies, no networking. You know the kind of sites, you can’t come right out and advertise a service but if someone asks, you can fill in the blanks. I guess I toed the line a little bit—I admit it!—by mentioning to the women that I was starting up a travel blog, and since these were my sisters I was talking to, if they wanted to check out the blog and give me some honest critique and/or request for types of stories they would like me to write about, well, that would be fine with me and give me some direction.

But no! In that one moment of excited, unbridled enthusiasm, lo—the admin cameth down upon me with a vengeance, banishing me from Never Never Land, striking my hand when I reached for the forbidden fruit, casting down rain and hail (and sleet and snow)… actually she probably didn’t have a hand in the latter, I’m in New Jersey and we’re having what I will opportunistically refer to as a British summer.

I had my fingers crossed that maybe there was some mistake. Facebook went down. I suddenly didn’t remember the name of the group or how to type it. Maybe I broke the Internet (see what I did there?)! No, there was no mistake, the admin told me when I tracked her down. No, she didn’t feel bad for me. I should have known better. Make your bed and lie in it.

They were after me.

I’m vengeful. I’m also someone who has been bullied one too many times, in real life and on the Interwebz. So rather than shrug it off (I didn’t), or move on and forget about it (REALLY. REALLY. PISSED.), I decided to build my own field of dreams (if you build it they will come) and launch my own Facebook group. It would not be limited to just my town, but it would be for my whole county here in the Garden State, and I would welcome commingling of business with personal with open arms.

A few minutes later, I announced the group was live, cheerily suggesting to the women in my community that, should they want to break free of communist-style censorship, they ought to pop on over to my group’s page. I posted via another community page, one that was more open to the idea of this kind of promotion. I got trolled moments later by another self-righteous admin of the same former women’s group, trying to slam me as a violator, as a rebel, and as a hypocrite. I acknowledged her comments and moved on, trying to be the bigger person in this case. The admin of the group where I posted it in, however, saw that she was trying to pick a fight and jumped to my rescue (for which I am so very grateful!)

It turns out that there were a lot of other women that could relate to my experience and that saw value in a group like I had created. Every time I refreshed the page, another woman thanked me for creating and admitting them into the group. And within the next 36 hours of launching the group, there were over 100 members that had requested and been admitted to my group (hey, the only key requirement here is being female—sorry, fellas). And growing.

I may not be a leader if you are thinking of it in terms of a high-powered, high-paid executive, or any type of trend-setter, or anything along those lines. But in my mind I see myself as someone who has created something of use value; I’m carving out a niche in and for my community, even if it’s marginal.

After mulling over my results for a bit, here are some nuggets that I’ve learned about being a leader and/or an entrepreneur, in a handy list format:

1. Be passionate. I think this is the first and most important quality in leadership. There’s no action without passion. Ideas without passion are rarely more than fleeting fancies. I was passionate about sharing my ideas and my brand while connecting with women, and to create a safe space where they could do the same. And I surely wasn’t about to be c*ckblocked for deviating the status quo, especially when I didn’t start out to break any rules.
2. Be relatable and charismatic. I don’t believe these words to be exactly interchangeable. In my understanding of the words, relatable means that I can see that we are cut from the same cloth in some way and share many of the same opportunities and adversities, whereas being charismatic means that you have an infectious personality or character traits that make it hard to dislike you. Relatable = reality TV series, charisma = the golden boys and girls of Hollywood. I was relatable because I am a woman appealing to other women in my same age range and geographic location, and I am interested in personal and professional networking. I was charismatic by making sure that the women in my group feel welcome to participate in a group that acts like a democracy, not a monarchy.
3. Break away from the old way of doing things; be a rebel. Don’t apologize or hide your greatness or great ideas—shout it out to the world and attract other rebels who would see your ideas and qualities for all its potential.
4. Be passionate about what you stand for, but respect others. Ok, so maybe when I called the former women’s group the Third Reich that wasn’t so nice, but before I took action to make an alternative women’s group, I spoke with the admin who had given me the boot. We spoke calmly, if not a little bit detached, and I tried my best to see things from her point of view while also defending myself. But when that doesn’t work…
5. Have a positive outlook and don’t be a victim. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Sometimes it’s REALLY hard to follow through on this one all the time, but it’s a fantastic mantra. Rephrased, you only enable a bully by allowing yourself to be a victim. Then how should you avoid becoming a victim? Take the problem in front of you, find a point of view or approach you are passionate about somewhere in that issue, and repeat steps 1-5.

I have high hopes of seeing the group grow. In the worst-case scenario, it stays at its current size (129 members, last count) and it’s a useful source for the handful of members that are in it. In the best-case scenario I can get to know some of these women more personally, expand my own perspectives, and enrich my personal life.

All for taking a shot in the dark and leading by accident. I plan on doing it again and if all else fails, just remember: haters gonna hate.